Setting boundaries – OH, the life of a people pleaser. There was a time that in my life – I was your YES girl. YES, of course I will work all weekend long to do a task that is not going to do anything other than make your life easier, not the companies. Party? What time!
Even though I am an introvert – sure I’ll go to your party that is 2 hours away, with people I don’t know. You guys, I’ve been there. The obligation to say YES is so real, but once I learned the beautiful word NO and how to set boundaries – life changed, for the good.
Setting Boundaries
Setting boundaries use to feel complicated to me. Now I realize that setting boundaries was an issue because I was a people pleaser and in my mind I had to always say YES.
Boundaries Are Like A Fence
Think of boundaries like a fence. Drawing boundaries – or putting up a fence sets a defined perimeter as to what is permitted. I’m a visual person, so the idea of this really connected with me.
My Life Verse
Around 5 years ago or so, I heard a phrase and it has stuck with me and now is my life verse. This simple phrase has helped me re-evaluate, set boundaries and be okay with saying no. Are you guys ready for it? Here is my life verse:
It’s either HELL YES or NO.
Yes, friends – that is my life verse. Think about this. When you say YES to something – you are saying no to something else. As much as moms are super heroes, we are all only given 24 hours in a day. That’s right – we all have the same amount of time in the day so we need to set boundaries and make the right decisions in regards to how our time is spent.
So now, when approached with an opportunity or a situation – I ask myself this. Is this a HELL YES or a NO. There are always exceptions to the rules – but I can say that 90% of the time – this statement gives me a clear vision of if the opportunity presented is worth it.
Saying No
I know, the word NO – it feels just rude, right? Well I know. You can so NO in many ways without saying NO directly. My favorite is, unfortunately I won’t be able to… Just know that NO is NOT a curse word. Don’t be afraid to say it.
People understand and just want a yes or a no – so find a way to give them the NO if needed, without feeling bad.
Feelings
Ladies, I am mainly talking to you because – hello hormones. Women are just sensitive. Men can compartmentalize their feelings, women – not so much. I don’t like making a blanket statement like this but think of it as a generalization. We are so worried about how others feel – but what we need to recognize is that our feelings matter too. We have to find a balance but whatever your balance is – make sure you prioritize YOU.
I wrote about the Enneagram. This tool has been so helpful in helping me better understand people and recognize why they react as such and how to best love them.
Day 30 Lent – Setting Boundaries, Saying No and Not Feeling Bad About It
See you tomorrow on day 31 of Lent.
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