A new Twitter friend @sara417 posed the following question to me tonight:

What can kidless friends of new moms do to be most helpful?

Good question!

My knee jerk reaction is: don’t judge your friends parenting skills until you have kids of your own. Poor Sara probebly thinks – wow she is rude, but I totally hope it didn’t come off that way!

I say this because honestly I was SO guilty of this pre-kids. My husband and I knew we wanted kids and went thru many infertile years yearning for kids, watching our friends have them and then JUDGING our friend’s and family’s parenting skills. And then we had kids.

• I can now say that I have a 20 second (5 seconds went out with the first one) when a binky drops to the ground.
• The idea of some germs strengthening the immune system – now sounds like a good idea!
• Breast feeding, as much as I was an advocate for it with the first kid. When I couldn’t produce milk – and was working I suddenly realized formula wasn’t evil.
• Pre-washing baby clothes isn’t as easy as just pulling off tags.

In all seriousness though – here are a few things that kidless friends can do to help new moms (because, let’s face it – new moms need all the help they can get – whether it’s their first or their fifth!)

• A phone call or even a simple email to say "I’M THINKING OF YOU!"
  • As busy as people are now adays, just the outreach to a new mom, who is dealing with an on-slaught of newness can make her day.

• A meal is nice – a gift certificate can be NICER!
  • While a home cooked meal is always great, immediately after a baby – it also means having to schedule times to meet people and the feeling of needing to be prepped for friends coming over just adds an extra rain cloud to the storm. So if you aren’t extremely close to the friend, an idea to purchase a gift certificate to a fast food place or restaurant that does take out would help tremendously. With #2, we lived on take-out and fast food for the first month as we adjusted.

• Nothing says SURPRISE! like a random gift on the doorstep
  • Again I have to stress the stress of a new mommy. Your schedule is off. You have a new little thing living in your house, who, how or what is going on. Sleep is something you don’t remember. Life just is a bit crazy for those first few weeks. A little surprise, nothing expensive but something thoughtful on the doorstep will always bring a smile to someone’s face. Think simple, even toilet paper (don’t wrap the house!), a card on the door, a box of cookies, a cupcake, flowers – it’s really the thought that counts not how much you spend.

• Give Mommy a BREAK!
  • One of the best gifts I received last time was a pedicure gift certificate. I recall enjoying the 30 minutes to myself a week or so after my last kid arrived. Call up the husband to see if you can schedule an hour out with the new mom and take her to get pampered. If the husband can’t be left alone – give mommy a break by watching the baby for an hour.

• FRIENDS till the end.
  • I know it’s hard when friends start having kids and you are kidless. I remember when my friends started having kids and we were still kidless – feelling as if my friends and I had nothing in common. They had their child to talk about – and well, me talking about my beloved puppies just didn’t compare. Try to find connections with other things beyond the kiddos. Believe me – she will appreciate you as a friend without kids. Friends with kids, we tend to play silly games – whether it’s keeping up with the latest development of what my kid vs. what your kid does, or who has the latest and greatest baby gear (ugh, I hated this, hope I don’t sink to that level again!). Friends without kids are worth their weight in gold. My kidless friends give me that reality check of the world minus my new appendages.

Thanks for asking Sara! Hope these help!

MOMS: What advice do you have on how your kidless friends can do to be most helpful?

Z’s last birthday, she turned 6. What to do. I had heard much to do about the American Girl store at the Galleria and thought – PERFECT. We’ll make a day of it, get her a doll of her choice and celebrate her day.

We made our way to the store, where we immediately encounter psycho upper class moms who have made their daughters up to look exactly like the dolls in the store. These weren’t cute little 3 or 4 year olds – these were 9 and 10 year olds looking all weird carrying around dolls. I kept thinking, I don’t get this.

I sucked it up. My husband made faces and gave me the STARE as soon as he saw how much a doll was. I kept thinking “it’s her birthday”. Then it hit me. WHY. Why would I blow $100+ for a doll for the same doll Z could buy at Target. I told Z she could have $100 shopping spree at Target if she wanted to leave. She dropped the doll and say “can I get a Tinkerbell?”. Yes, deary, you can have your Tinkerbell. She spent $30 and was ecstatic with her Target purchases.

While sure, I know there is a whole thing with American Girl – but it’s not just for me and my fam. I just can’t do it. Then tonight, I saw this article on Gwen – American Girl’s new doll. There is one thing extra special about her. She’s HOMELESS! Oh… wait – and she is $95.

I get all kinds of forwarded crap emails and I Snopes everything. Everything I can find is this is really legit. This is a BIG Mattel, American Girl FAIL. They should at least be addressing this – TRUE or FALSE. If this crap is true -  at least donating $85 of their $90 profit per doll to homeless causes.

Some humor from around the web.

This is from American Girl’s web site – a comment about the doll:

“I love my Gwen doll. I was hesitant at first as the advertising showed her as a hippy-ish character and I was afraid her hair would always look like it did in the picture. (I got her right after she came out and they had her hair in a different style)But once I pulled it out and took the head band off I was amazed by how pretty she was.Her hair doesn’t get nearly as messed up as some other doll’s with longer hair a nice feature. It’s never gotten frizzy on me either. I don’t use the squirt bottle on her hair she doesn’t appear to need it.

I was rather disappointed by the lack of items for Gwen though. I expected some outfits and a real book for her. I think she would have been rather interesting to read about and I just don’t know. I went online a week after I got her to purchase her Pjs and another outfit and we ended up with getting Kirsten’s stuff. It looks cute on her but Ag doesn’t seem to have done more then create a lovable doll and a side personality. So if your looking for a doll to read about I’d recommend Chrissa or another historical girl doll.”

And I love this from the New York Post

And while you were snoozing, the creators of American Girl, which is sold by Mattel, got bold. They engaged in all-out political indoctrination.

Snuck into the collection is a doll that comes with a biography that is weird and potentially offensive enough to keep Mom running to the Maalox. Gwen, you see, is harboring a terrible secret.

She is homeless. A homeless doll.

In the history books that come with every American Girl doll — bringing to life these little monsters until impressionable little ones believe they are actual people — you learn that Gwen’s father walked out on the family. Her mother lost her job.

As the little kiddies learn to read about this doll as if she’s a human being, one learns that, as fall turned into winter, Gwen’s mom lost her grip.

Mother and daughter started bedding down in a car.

For $95 — more than your average homeless person would dream of spending on a rather mediocre baby substitute — Gwen Thompson can be yours. A mixed message if ever there was one.

Sorry Gwen, you won’t be finding a home with us. I hope that American Girl can at least ante up some of those profits for good. Or better yet, I wish that more people who can afford these dolls would spend the $10 at Target for a cheaper doll and give the other $85 to good. Just a suggestion.

A while ago I registered for Vocalpoint. It must of been one of those late night, insomniatic things where I don’t really remember the why, but I did.

Vocalpoint is a community for women focusing on the topics:  health & beauty, food & recipes, around the house, my family & me. So far, I’ve received coupons in the mail for free cereal, as well as a trial box – as well as relevant e-newsletters. The site is well constructed and appealing no matter where you are in mommyhood. There are specific questions to not assume you are married or in a relationship.  Vocalpoint offers programs such as Try and Tell where you can try products and let P&G know your thoughts about a product after trying them for free.

For customer data, I think Vocalpoint has hit a homerun.  I am not put off by their marketing efforts towards me. The content is relevant, well written and thought provoking. This is permission marketing towards a digital mom at it’s best. Great job Proctor & Gamble! Please feel free to continue sending free coupons for cerea or any other products you’d like my growing family to try. Expenses aren’t decreasing any in our household!

For more information about the Vocalpoint website or to join visit: vocalpoint.com